I will never run naked thru a corn field again

A Jew, a Fundamentalist Christian, and an Atheist were sitting in a bar discussing the significance that a life altering decision such as to change the color and/or style of your hair can be. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, doesn’t it? It felt more like the punch line to one.The bar was not warm, not cold. If I were a young girl in need of some porage and a place to sleep the temperature would have been just right. There seemed to be an average amount of people for a Tuesday night. A few empty tables and a few empty seats at the bar. As some left others came in. A nice steady flow, I would think being in the restaurant business. The bar was a little dark. The bartender likes it that way. I wonder if anyone has ever asked him why. The conversations were buzzing all around me. I could hear them all at once. Nothing made sense. Too many words. After a couple of minutes of trying to focus it became deafening. My ears hurt. The high pitch in the voice of the young woman sitting two tables behind me began to make my ears ring more than they already were. I was feeling overwhelmed from the sound and not so much from the emotions running through my body. It was work to tune out all of it in order to hear what was being analyzed and re-analyzed at my own table. A glass of Pinot Grigio later I had less trouble focusing. Hey, the conversation was about me. It became interesting. Though concentrating on the conversation happening in front of me was not nearly as enticing as what was happening at the bar behind me. He was there. I saw his baseball hat bouncing up and down at the end of the bar as I arrived at our table. I chose the seat that would make sure my back was to him. If I could see him there would be no listening to any of the life saving advice I was about to hear. If I could see him I would have locked my eyes on him to the extent that a stalker would have taken notes. So instead I decided he could stare at my back and wonder. I was struggling to hear his voice. I couldn’t hear anything in that direction other than the three men sitting at the corner of the bar talking about golf. Three more men walked in and I thought to myself each one of them was a prime candidate for a little comfort sex. Being in such despair I was game for anything. I even subjected my self to hearing the wise words of the two women I was with thinking that they would ease my pain. Is there any pain worse than a broken heart? They did ease my pain, however. Quite a bit actually. The sheer humor in what became an argument between the two of them regarding when I would be ready to have a relationship again. They discussed, between the two of them, when I should approach HIM. One said immediately. The other thought I better wait until my heart heals. I Agreed with both of them. I wanted to approach him right then and there. But I know I have been hurting and trying to cope with being treated disrespectfully by a man I had given 9+ years of my life to. When it all actually transpired 2 years ago it was more than just disrespect. He purposely tried to hurt me and succeeded. He purposely ended the “break up” conversation so I would be unsure if we were actually breaking up. Then he kicked me out. I know this may seem like a “break up” thing to do but it was all so unexpected I had no idea had transpired. I don’t know still. But today I don’t need to know. I have closure. After seeing the eyes of someone I have been in love with for years, closure was not anywhere near the top of the things to worry about today.

He was there in the same room. I get butterflies when he looks at me. The best thing is the conversations we have had. No matter how much I feel for him I have always been able to be myself. Sometimes making a fool of myself but never feeling I was being judged. Humorous talks. Serious talks. And oh the flirting! That was the fun part. Which also made it confusing. Was he serious? Could I really show up at his house and would he really invite me in? The answer did come later.

I don’t know when he noticed me sitting there. Was it when I laughed at the half witted remarks I was half listening to. Or when someone called out my name and said hi. Maybe it wasn’t until he was leaving and had to walk right by our table. Surprised most likely that I was even sitting at a table. In the past few years I have spent quite a bit of time becoming a character out of a sitcom at this bar. Sitting at the bar. He stopped. We chatted.

The Jew and the Ahtiest both agreed that he wants me... DAMMIT!! I don't need to think about this now!