I should own a bowling alley!

I once told you I needed to be left at the alter because that was one heartache I have never felt. You never thought you would hear that from a woman. I meant it. Though now that I am experiencing that raw consuming pain I am trying to figure out why I would want this. Why I would want to feel like everything inside me has been taken and is hidden somewhere I may never find it again. I feel air run under my skin searching for something to comfort it. But nothing is there. I tired of crying. I am tired of being angry. I am tired of wondering. I am tired of worrying. I am just tired. Like a child wandering aimlessly in the woods after taking the wrong path. Rushing from one place to another only to return to start. Now it is dark and the sounds are frightening. The silence even more. It will be hours before the dawn. I am not sure that child will ever see it. It seems I have been in love with you since the first day we actually spoke. I have thought about you everyday since. Was it five or six years ago? Maybe even seven? I have never once told you how I felt. I flirted with you, you flirted with me. We both flirt with everyone. I learned to justify my feelings for you because of what you have done for me. There is something about you. About how I feel when you speak to me. You have something in your eyes I have always really wanted to know. Something that tells me I need to make love to you with my eyes open. I believe that you think of me as a nuisance at times, strange at others, intriguing some, just plain old nuts the rest of the time. I am really none of those things. I am a scared little girl fighting to survive and hide the pain. This pain I cannot hide. This time the pain is me. I cannot muster the strength or courage to tell you how I feel. This would be the wrong time to open my heart to you or anyone. I fear if I ever told you you would reject me. Something I can not take anymore. I fear too that you might not. That would be worse. Because you were not the one who left me at the alter...